His Needs, Her Needs Book Reviews

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Not a great resource. While there are some practical skills being taught in this book, the premise is that marriage is a contractural enterprise (if you do this, he/she will do that), rather than a covenental relationship (sacrificial service to our spouse). There is also the semantic confusion. What Harley calls needs are mostly desires. Certainly, if we figure out what our spouse desires and make efforts to meet those desires, then, yes, we can improve our relationship. But part of building a God-honoring marriage is sacrificing our desires to meet the actual needs of our spouse. Finally, people don’t pursue affairs because they aren’t having their needs met. They pursue affairs because of selfishness, the poison that kills a marriage. And lately, I have seen too many Christians pursue affairs because somebody convinced them that their spouse is supposed to meet their needs, or that sex is designed to fulfill or satisfy. When those unrealistic and unbiblical expectations are not met, they look elsewhere.

Fantastic. we couldn't have come across this book at a better time. Our marriage was in shambles, we were living as roommates instead of partners, and divorce was coming fast! But this book has opened our eyes and given us tools to rebuild the love and relationship! It will take time, but at least now we have hope. Thanks for writing such a straight forward, in your face, look in the mirror kind of book! It's a 10/10 in my opinion!

Seeing the obvious. While I enjoyed reading this book that my spouse purchased and suggested that we read, the principles in it were rather obvious and yet somehow weren't currently being put into practice in our marriage. It is easy to use the book as a weapon against a spouse by pointing out how he/she is failing you, but the author wisely warns against doing so. Some of the needs won't completely fit you and some license will be needed to redefine the need to your situation. The author readily admits that the listed needs are not a one-size-fits-all solution or that they belong to a specific gender, so keep that in mind. For this book to work, both spouses have to read it with a nonjudgmental attitude and make an honest evaluation of what truly makes them happy. Once the needs are on the table an honest effort is required to meet them, which can be especially trying if you can't see the need expressed by your spouse or feel it is not your job to meet that need. It's a tall order to follow through the author's prescribed plan when your marriage is flying through rough air, but as the book reminds us, we were meeting our spouse's needs at some point in the relationship and we just need to reacquaint ourselves with them again. Although we're just at the evaluation phase of our needs, I'm hopeful we can put away the selfish blame game and work to meet each other's needs. Time will tell. I recommend this book to at least break the ice on resolving martial discontent, but it would be of little value if both spouses aren't willing to be open and honest in their thoughts and motivated to make every effort to meet the needs of their spouse.

His&Her needs. This was diffidently an awakener to my spouse who is not affectionate on a romantic level. I have seen small subtle changes. That I know resonates from a conscience level. Thanks to all participants who shared to make this available! I'm so BLESSED.

Wonderful ‘Refresh’ on our marriage!. In our 20th year of marriage my wife read this book, then encouraged me to read it - I just finished my 3rd reading in as many months! It’s truly reset our ‘good’ marriage as we strive for ‘wonderful’.

His Needs, Her Needs.....Everyone Needs this book.. Great book...wish I would have got this book 17+ years ago when I got married. Read now...it can save and blossom your marriage that will last a lifetime. Wish someone would have told me about his book a 6 months ago....would have saved my marriage.

Good Overall. I just got engaged and a marriage counselor recommended this book to me. While I was reading the book, I can't help but notice that the author brings up an affair often. Given his credential I will not challenge the man... Just hate the direction our society continues to go. Good book though!

A book all married couples should read!. What an eye opener for me. I was totally ignorant in what I thought was what my wife wanted/needed. We've been married for 21 years this year. I am glad I stumbled across this wonderful advice but wish I had it 22 years ago. I believe the advice and plans laid out in this book along with consistent effort will change the two of us forever for the the better and make being in love a wonderful experience again. I recommend it to every person who wishes to fulfill someone of the opposite sex, not just married couples but single people. Why not learn what it takes to be the best you can be for the person you love the most?

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