Lundy Bancroft Popular Books

Lundy Bancroft Biography & Facts

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly. Children that grow up in such families may think such a situation is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of two adults, one typically overtly abusive and the other codependent, and may also be affected by substance abuse or other forms of addiction, or sometimes by an untreated mental illness. Parents having grown up in a dysfunctional family may over-correct or emulate their own parents. In some cases, the dominant parent will abuse or neglect their children and the other parent will not object, misleading a child to assume blame. Examples Dysfunctional family members have common features and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be affected by a variety of factors. Common features Nearly universal Some features are common to most dysfunctional families: Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy or appeasement towards one or more members who have real or perceived "special needs". In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than they deserve, while another is marginalized. Denial (refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior, possibly believing that the situation is normal or even beneficial; also known as the "elephant in the room".) Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g. tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.) Disrespect of others' boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed.) Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient peaceful arguing between family members.) Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their birth order, gender (or gender identity), age, sexual orientation, family role (mother, etc.), abilities, race, caste, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven/inconsistent enforcement of rules.) Not universal Though not universal among dysfunctional families, and by no means exclusive to them, the following features are typical of dysfunctional families: Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviors. Conflict influenced by marital status: Between separated or divorced parents, usually related to, or arising from their breakup. Conflict between parents who remain married, often for the perceived "sake" of the children, but whose separation or divorce would in fact remove a detrimental influence on those children (must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, as a breakup may harm children.) Parents who wish to divorce, but cannot due to financial, societal (including religious), or legal reasons. Children afraid to talk (within or outside the family) about what is happening at home, or are otherwise fearful of their parents. Abnormal sexual behavior such as adultery, promiscuity, or incest. Lack of time spent together, especially in recreational activities and social events ("We never do anything as a family.") Parents insist that they treat their children fairly and equitably when that is not the case. Family members (including children) who disown each other, or refuse to be seen together in public (either unilaterally or bilaterally.) Children of parents who are experiencing a substance use disorder or who engage in binge drinking have an increased tendency to adopt substance use disorders later in life. Specific examples There are certain times where families can become dysfunctional due to specific situational examples. Some of these include difficulty integrating into a new culture, strain in the relationship between nuclear and extended family members, children in a rebellion phase, and ideological differences in belief systems. Laundry List The program "Adult Children of Alcoholics" includes something labeled as a "Laundry List". The Laundry List is core literature of the program Adult Children of Alcoholics. This list has 14 different statements that relate to being an adult child of a parent with an alcohol addiction. These statements provide commentary on how children have been affected by the trauma of having alcoholic parents. Some highlights of the statements include, "confusing love and pity", "having low self-esteem", and having a "loss of identity". The Laundry list is a helpful tool in group therapy in order to show families that they are not alone in their struggles. Female children whose parents were alcoholics have an increased risk of developing depression. Male children of alcoholics are at a significantly higher risk for developing a substance use disorder. Parenting Unhealthy signs Unhealthy parenting signs, which could lead to a family becoming dysfunctional include: Unrealistic expectations Ridicule Conditional love Disrespect; especially contempt. Emotional intolerance (family members not allowed to express the "wrong" emotions.) Social dysfunction or isolation (for example, parents unwilling to reach out to other families—especially those with children of the same gender and approximate age, or do nothing to help their "friendless" child.) Stifled speech (children not allowed to dissent or question authority.) Denial of an "inner life" (children are not allowed to develop their own value systems.) Being under- or over-protective Apathy ("I don't care!") Belittling ("You can't do anything right!") Shame ("Shame on you!") Bitterness (regardless of what is said, using a bitter tone of voice.) Hypocrisy ("Do as I say, not as I do.") Lack of forgiveness for minor misdeeds or accidents Judgmental statements or demonization ("You are a liar!") Being overly critical and withholding proper praise. (experts say 80–90% praise, and 10–20% constructive criticism is the most healthy.) Double standards or giving "mixed messages" by having a dual system of values (i.e. one set for the outside world, another when in private, or teaching divergent values to each child.) The absentee parent (seldom available for their child due to work overload, alcohol/drug abuse, gambling, or other addictions.) Unfulfilled projects, activities, and promises affecting children ("We'll do it later.") Giving to one child what rightly belongs to another Gender prejudice (treats one gender of children fairly; the other unfairly.) Discussion and exposure to sexuality: either too much, too soon or too little, too late Faulty discipline based more on emotions or family politics than on established rules (e.g., punishment by "surprise".) Having an unpredictable emotional state due .... Discover the Lundy Bancroft popular books. Find the top 100 most popular Lundy Bancroft books.