Who is Lundy Bancroft?

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A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such a situation is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of two adults, one typically overtly abusive and the other codependent, and may also be affected by addictions (such as substance abuse, such drugs including alcohol), or sometimes by an untreated mental illness. Dysfunctional parents may emulate or over-correct from their own dysfunctional parents. In some cases, the dominant parent will abuse or neglect their children and the other parent will not object, misleading a child to assume blame. Perceptions and historical context A common misperception of dysfunctional families is the mistaken belief that the parents are on the verge of separation and divorce. While this is true in a few cases, often the marital satisfaction is very strong as the parents' faults actually complement each other. In short, they have nowhere else to go. However, this does not necessarily mean the family's situation is stable. Any major stressor, such as relocation, unemployment/underemployment, physical or mental illness, natural disaster, etc., can cause existing difficulties affecting the children to become much worse.Dysfunctional families pervade all strata of society regardless of social, financial or intellectual status. Nevertheless, until recent decades, professionals (therapists, social workers, teachers, counselors, clergy, etc.) did not take the concept of a dysfunctional family seriously , especially not with reference to the middle and upper classes. Any intervention would have been seen as violating the sanctity of marriage and increasing the probability of divorce, which was socially unacceptable at the time. Historically, society expected the children of dysfunctional families to obey their parents (ultimately the father), and to cope with the situation alone. Examples Dysfunctional family members have common features and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be affected by a variety of factors. Common features Nearly universal Some features are common to most dysfunctional families: Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy or appeasement towards one or more members who have real or perceived "special needs". In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than they deserve, while another is marginalized. Denial (refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior, possibly believing that the situation is normal or even beneficial; also known as the "elephant in the room".) Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g. tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.) Disrespect of others' boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed.) Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient peaceful arguing between family members.) Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their birth order, gender, age, family role (mother, etc.), abilities, race, caste, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven/inconsistent enforcement of rules.)Not universal Though not universal among dysfunctional families, and by no means exclusive to them, the following features are typical of dysfunctional families: Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviors. Conflict influenced by marital status: Between separated or divorced parents, usually related to, or arising from their breakup. Conflict between parents who remain married, often for the perceived "sake" of the children, but whose separation or divorce would in fact remove a detrimental influence on those children (must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, as a breakup may harm children.) Parents who wish to divorce, but cannot due to financial, societal (including religious), or legal reasons. Children afraid to talk (within or outside the family) about what is happening at home, or are otherwise fearful of their parents. Abnormal sexual behavior such as adultery, promiscuity, or incest. Lack of time spent together, especially in recreational activities and social events ("We never do anything as a family.") Parents insist that they treat their children fairly and equitably when that is not the case. Family members (including children) who disown each other, or refuse to be seen together in public (either unilaterally or bilaterally.)Specific examples In many cases, the following would cause a family to be dysfunctional: Families with older parents or immigrant parents who cannot cope with changing times or a different culture. A parent of the same sex never intercedes in father–daughter/mother–son relations on behalf of the child. Children who have no contact with the extended family of their mother or father due to disharmony, disagreement, prejudice, feuding, etc. A family with one or more rebellious children at whom parents are chronically angry, wherein non-rebellious children have to "walk on eggshells" to avoid spillover effects of the parents' anger. An intense rift, extending beyond mere disagreement of opinion to personal animosity between family members regarding ideology (e.g. children's disagreement with their parents' religious beliefs; a family member having an abortion while other members sharply object; parents who support their country being at war, while children do not.)Laundry List The Laundry List is core literature of the program Adult Children of Alcoholics. It comprises 14 common traits of an adult child of an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family: We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. We became addicted to excitement. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue." We have "st.... Discover the Lundy Bancroft popular books. Find the top 100 most popular Lundy Bancroft books.

Best Seller Lundy Bancroft Books of November 2021

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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships(2010) details how the courtship habits of humanity’s closest primate relatives, the lives of early...

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The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy (2007) by Jon Gordon is an allegorical tale that teaches readers to cultivate an optimistic attitu...

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (1999) provides married couples with a system for evaluating th...

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The Bullet Journal Method: Track the Past, Order the Present, Design the Future (2018) introduces a simple, effective organizational method that uses only a pen and notebook to i...

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Undo It! How Simple Lifestyle Changes Can Reverse Most Chronic Diseases (2019) outlines a wellness system that can help readers prevent, manage, or even recover from common chron...

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Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less (2019) by Michael Hyatt explains how to streamline business operations and become more productive. By par...

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One Up on Wall Street: How to Use What You Already Know to Make Money in the Market (1989) guides fledgling investors through the process of how to pick stocks and build a winnin...

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The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning, Elevate Your Life (2018) by leadership guru Robin Sharma is an inspirational work of fiction. Sharma uses the narrative of a fictional artist, en...

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Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst (2017) explains the numerous biological, cultural, and evolutionary factors that shape human behavior. Neurobiologist Robert M...

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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (1999) by clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg offers a life-affirming, empathy-based approach to conflict resolution. The goa...

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The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (2007) by psychiatrist Norman Doidge explores breakthroughs in neuroscience regardi...

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Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds (2018) by David Goggins is a memoir about the author’s unlikely rise from a boyhood plagued by violence and poverty into the e...

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Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression — and the Unexpected Solutions (2018) explores the physical, psychological, and cultural factors that lead to depress...

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Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable (2013) by Tim S. Grover, co-written with Shari Lesser Wenk, teaches how to cultivate the mindset of an elite achiever. Grover’s ideas a...

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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (2002) by domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft is a non-fiction book for those who have experienced or are e...

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Billion Dollar Whale: The Man Who Fooled Wall Street, Hollywood, and the World (2018) examines the exploits of Jho Low, a Malaysian money launderer who organized the theft of at ...

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How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk (1979) by parenting experts Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a guide for parents who want to effe...

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In The Dichotomy of Leadership: Balancing the Challenges of Extreme Ownership to Lead and Win (2018), authors Jocko Willink and Leif Babin show how key military principles a...

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Brief Answers to the Big Questions (2018) presents the thoughts of theoretical physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking on 10 major scientific and philosophical debates, including whether a...

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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011) by Kristen Neff is a self-help book rooted in evidence-based psychology. Too often, people suffer from the tend...

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What accounts for the persistence of racism in America? The answer is simple, but it challenges the views and self-conception of many who might otherwise consider themselves innocent of raci...

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Big Debt Crises (2018) by Ray Dalio is an economic primer based on the proprietary decision-making system used at the author’s hugely successful hedge fund, Bridgewater Associa...

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Blitzscaling: The Lightning-Fast Path to Building Massively Valuable Companies (2018) by Reid Hoffman and Chris Yeh explains how start-up businesses can quickly expand into globa...

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The Fifth Risk (2018) by Michael Lewis is a journalistic account of how broad swaths of the US government are being ignored or dismantled under Donald Trump’s administration. A...

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The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation (2011) shows companies how assertive sales representatives can increase profits and create repeat customers. Auth...

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Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time (originally published in 2002, and revised in 2017) is a self-help guide about the importa...

Best Seller Lundy Bancroft Audio Books of November 2021

Summary of Allan Pease’s The Definitive Book of Body Language by Swift Reads (Unabridged) MP3 Audiobook

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The Definitive Book of Body Language (2004) by body language experts Allan and Barbara Pease is a comprehensive guide to non-verbal communication. An expanded version of Allen Pease...

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Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions (2018) explores the physical, psychological, and cultural factors that lead to depression, as...

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Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals (2019) by entrepreneur, influencer, and bestselling author Rachel Hollis is a self-help guide for wome...

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The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less (first published in 1997, and updated most recently in 2017) by Richard Koch is a self-help book about how to achieve maxim...

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The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams (1994) by best-selling author and New Age thought leader Deepak Chopra outlines essential spir...

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The Surrender Experiment: My Journey into Life’s Perfection (2015), by best-selling author Michael A. Singer, is a spiritual memoir that chronicles Singer’s quest to embrace whate...

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Summary of Peter Lynch’s One Up on Wall Street by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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One Up on Wall Street: How to Use What You Already Know to Make Money in the Market (1989) guides fledgling investors through the process of how to pick stocks and build a winning inv...

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Outwitting the Devil: The Secret to Freedom and Success (2011), by Napoleon Hill, describes the circumstances surrounding the self-help author’s rise to fame and fortune. After over...

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Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts (2018) by social researcher and best-selling author Brené Brown explains how to create an organizational culture built upo...

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In The Laws of Human Nature (2018), best-selling author Robert Greene dissects the elaborate lies that people tell themselves. Taking listeners through the laws, or main motivations, ...

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No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind (2014) by psychotherapists Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explains how pa...

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Summary of Reid Hoffman’s Blitzscaling (Unabridged)

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Blitzscaling: The Lightning-Fast Path to Building Massively Valuable Companies, by Reid Hoffman and Chris Yeh, explains how start-up businesses can quickly expand into global corporat...

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Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon (2017) by Joe Dispenza guides listeners through the steps of developing their full potential, which is far beyond what ...

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Download now to get key insights from this book in 15 minutes.Shetty grew up in a family where you could become one of three things—a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. His family...

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Summary of John C. Bogle’s The Little Book of Common Sense Investing by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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The Little Book of Common Sense Investing: The Only Way to Guarantee Your Fair Share of Stock Market Returns (2007) demonstrates why index funds, a type of mutual fund, should make up...

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Summary of David Goggins’s Can’t Hurt Me (Unabridged)

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Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds (2018) by David Goggins is a memoir about the author’s unlikely rise from a boyhood plagued by violence and poverty into the elit...

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Yuval Noah Harari's 21 Lessons for the 21st Century (2018) explores the crucial social problems likely to beset humanity in the coming decades. The text is a protracted reflection on ...

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Summary of Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time (originally published in 2002, and revised in 2017) is a self-help guide about the importance o...

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The Fifth Risk, by Michael Lewis, is a journalistic account of how broad swaths of the US government are being ignored or dismantled under Donald Trump’s administration. After shunn...

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Summary of Matthew Dixon’s: The Challenger Sale (Unabridged)

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Please note: This is a summary of Women Who Love Too Much, not the original book. Women Who Love Too Much (1985) by marriage and family therapist Robin ...

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The Handmaid’s Tale (1985) by Margaret Atwood is a dystopian novel set in a version of the US that has been overthrown by religious fundamentalists. In what was once most likely Mas...

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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (2002) by domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft is a nonfiction book for those who have experienced or are experie...

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Summary of Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (1999) by clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg offers a life-affirming, empathy-based approach to conflict resolution. The goal of ...

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Buy now to get the insights from Lindsay C. Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.Sample Insights:1) Emotional loneliness is a feeling of emptiness ...

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The 33 Strategies of War (2006) by Robert Greene teaches different approaches to conflict. Greene examines ways to defeat an enemy in contexts ranging from violent battlefields to the...

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Please note: This is a summary of Medical Medium Liver Rescue, not the original book. Medical Medium Liver Rescue: Answers to Eczema, Psoriasis, Di...

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Please note: This is a summary of The 5 AM Club, not the original book. The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning, Elevate Your Life (2018) by leadership g...

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Summary of Tom Wright’s Billion Dollar Whale by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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Billion Dollar Whale: The Man Who Fooled Wall Street, Hollywood, and the World (2018) examines the exploits of Jho Low, a Malaysian money launderer who organized the theft of at least...

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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (2010) details how the courtship habits of humanity’s closest primate relatives, the lives of earl...

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Summary of Ryder Carroll's The Bullet Journal Method by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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The Bullet Journal Method: Track the Past, Order the Present, Design the Future (2018) introduces a simple, effective organizational method that uses only a pen and notebook to improv...

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Summary of Bruce Lipton’s The Biology of Belief (Unabridged)

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Please note: This is a summary of The Biology of Belief, not the original book. The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, ...

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Summary of Norman Doidge’s The Brain That Changes Itself (Unabridged)

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The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (2007) by psychiatrist Norman Doidge explores breakthroughs in neuroscience regarding pl...

Insights on Isabel Wilkerson’s Caste MP3 Audiobook

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Download now to get key insights from this book in 15 minutes.“As we go about our daily lives, caste is the wordless usher in a darkened theater, flashlight cast down in the ai...

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Summary of Ray Dalio’s Big Debt Crises (Unabridged)

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Big Debt Crises (2018) by Ray Dalio is an economic primer based on the proprietary decision-making system used at the author’s hugely successful hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates. ...

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Summary of Michael E. Gerber's The E-Myth Revisited (Unabridged)

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Please note: This is a summary of The E-Myth Revisited, not the original book. The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do A...

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Summary of Gary Keller’s The Millionaire Real Estate Agent (Unabridged)

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The Millionaire Real Estate Agent (2004) explains how a real estate agent can build a lucrative business and routinely net $1 million or more in personal income by copying techniques ...

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Summary of Jon Gordon’s The Energy Bus by Swift Reads (Unabridged)

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The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy (2007), by Jon Gordon, is an allegorical tale that teaches people to cultivate an optimistic attitude f...

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